Product Description
Many pastors, counselors, and theologians consider this book the most helpful on the issue of marriage and divorce. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (22)

Too Bias in the sense he really does not tackle other views
Books like this made it easy for me to get a divorce.I wish now I would not have divorce my wife.According to the scripture like Rom 7:1-3 no remarriage until the death of the mate.My self and many others tend to skip many of the very clear scripture like these: Luke 16:18; Mark 10:11-12; Matt 5:22; 19:9.We don't like to hear these words so we tend to skip them.The Bible only mentions being "Born Again" in 3 verses and many of us pay very close attention to them; but what about these verses on divorce that call so many adulterers?Is adultery not a very serious sin in Gods eyes still?

"Until death do us part?" By Joseph Webb could be also considered very bias in the other direction but he seems to cover Adams argument where almost no one really seems to ever tackle the position that Webb takes.Another good book but more middle of the road, yet really challenges you to think is "Divorce and Remarriage: Four Christian Views" by 4 authors in debate.Only they do not really tackle Webb's view either.

"I am still leaning to the doctrine of Joseph Webb's book even though I don't want to believe it and would much rather believe Adams, I am under the conviction that it is far to liberal a view and really to put it quit bluntly, condones adultery, according to the clear verses above.A covenant is until death. It can be violated but not broken while the spouses are both alive.Its no wonder the disciples said "it is better not to marry."

A must have for any Christian who counsels their brothers and sisters
Jay Adams takes a thorough look into the scriptures and reveals Gods Word on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible.Even with the book being relatively short, I still had the sense of Mr. Adams carefully walking me through the Scriptures and letting them speak clearly.This work can and should be a help to any Christian who has been blessed by God to provide Biblical Counseling to those in need.Thank you Bro. Jay for putting together a fine dependable work, that will be on my shelf for constant review until I see Christ.

divorce
Divorce

The permission of Moses to "put away" their wives was only allowed for the man to initiate the divorce Deut 24:1 "When a man..."God does not give further instruction to the ungodly woman who "committed sexual immorality" against her husband, vs. 2-4 (Jer 3:1).

When Paul says in Rom 7:1 "for I speak to those who know the law" he was referring to what he said next to these believing Jews... "that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives." Paul goes on and states some simple truths that have dominion over another: "another law" vs. 23, "law of husband" vs. 2-3,"law of sin" vs. 7:23, 25 "law of God", "I find a law that evil is present with me" vs. 21, "law of my mind" vs. 23, "law of Spirit" 8:2, "law of sin and death" vs.3 and briefly spoken of earlier the "law of faith" 3:26.

Paul uses a physical truth "For..." Rom 7:2 to bring a conclusion "Therefore..." Rom 7:3 to explain its spiritual truth Rom 7:4 "So..." how they are released from the Law of Moses to "come to another" and not to be an "adulteress". So, the "law of the husband," spoken by Paul in Rom 7:2-3 and 1 Cor 7:39 is not referring to the Law of Moses, but "another law" that has "dominion over" her.That was man had "rule over" his wife from the Law of God Gen 3:16.While she is "under her husband" Rom 7:2a (married to her husband) as long as he "lives" she is bound by this "law" (1 Cor 14:34).

Paul tells this to the Gentile and Jewish Church in 1 Cor 7:39 "A woman has been bound by law for as long a time as lives the husband of her, if but "sleeps" the husband of her, free she is to who she desires to be married, only in the Lord."Which is further commanded of the Christian women, "Do not let a (godly living) widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man" 1 Tim 5:9.The "has been" in Greek shows once in her life time, or as long as a husband of her was still living.

1 Cor 7:10-11 all is wrapped up in this "command" by our "Lord" Jesus towards all Christians, "a woman is not to separate from her husband, if separated let her remain unmarried or reconcile with her husband."And to the men, "a man is not to leave (some translations have dismiss) his wife".These commands are for any reason or purpose.That is the general principle of marriage taught by Jesus Matt 19:6 let man not "separate" what God joined together :).

The reason Paul uses the word "separate" towards the woman is the Jew's (who knew the Law) knew the women did not have a right to `leave' their husbands on account of `uncleanliness' as the man did (this church was struggling with obeying commands in the Law of Moses 1 Cor 7:19 "circumcision," and vs. 12-14 from the command of Ezra chap 9-10).The only `exception clause' is said latter by Paul to the "rest" in vs. 15 giving Christians permission to separate, "If but the unbeliever separates, let be separated."For they have "not been put into bondage" for the responsibility to remain married to these unbelievers to "save" them (1 Cor 7:16) but to let them go for `peace' sake (for all "us" Christians are to strive to live in peace with unbelievers whenever possible).

Only the Law of Moses gave man permission to divorce his wife in Matt 19:9.Jesus did not give this permission to His follows only corrected the Law of Moses to the Pharisees and Scribes concerning "adultery".For the carnal mind is not subject to the Law of God, nor indeed can it be Rom 8:7.Jesus taught his followers, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" Matt 19:8 and man is not to "separate what God has joined together".For those living under the Law, divorce was permitted, but we have been given a "new heart" and a "new spirit" Eze 36:26 in Christ Jesus, and no longer live in the hardheartedness of sin Heb 3:8-13 to "put away" our wives, but "walk in the Spirit" to obey Christ in all righteousness.

We are commanded to be Holy as God is Holy.Jer 3:8, 9 He gives us His example of staying married when His wife Judah was unfaithful to Him (1 Cor 7:11b), and only divorcing Israel when she would not return to Him (1 Cor 7:15).We are not allowed to live according to the Law of Moses, "Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them" Gal 3:10.

As God has forgiven you, forgive others Matt 18:33 for the measure you use against others shall be used against you vs. 35.

Paul acknowledges Deut 24:1-4 by saying if a man "has been bound to a wife seek not to be loosed/released" in 1 Cor 7:27.Stating a man according to the Law (Deut 24:1) can divorce his wife for the case of sexual immorality but a Christian man should not "seek" this "permission" (though it would not be sexually immoral for him to do so).But if the man found himself divorced from his wife and "loosed or released" from her, according to scripture, then he may marry another while his wife was still living and this would not be considered "sin" 1 Cor 7:28.

Amen
-love you guys & gals
Michael Sayen

From the book "The Cure 4 Divorce" (title by Stratton Wells).
And help from a word by a friend, Adam (knowingly or unknowingly, I am not sure).
[...]

Divorce and Remarriage
This is the best book on divorce and remarriage from a Biblical perspective that I have ever read.

It is neither to legalistic or to liberal. It gives good balance to encourage marriage for a lifetime and to give hope to those who have experienced divorce.

This is a good read for pastors trying to form an opinion for themselves and also wanting to be the most helpful to the hurting.

Unsound Doctrine
I have read Jay Adams book and will make a full review later (I want to read John Murray's book first), but came across a review that I agree with.I will have more to critique than this reviewer does, but it is a good start.

Book Title: Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage In the Bible
Book Author: Dr. Jay E. Adams
Our Rating: Poor
Book Theme

Taking a concept-by-concept approach, Dr. Adams examines the fundamentals of marriage, then divorce, and ultimately, remarriage. Relying heavily on the Scriptures, Dr. Adams avoids using traditions as a basis for establishing the doctrines of matrimony and marriage dissolution.

Analysis of the Book
Reading this book and writing this review was a personal disappointment. Dr. Adams is one of my personal spiritual role models whom I hold in the highest regard. Sadly, this book fails to achieve a proper understanding of the nature of divorce and remarriage based upon a faulty interpretation of Scripture.

Dr. Adams does a genuinely thorough biblical evaluation of the question, "what is a marriage?" The principles of marriage as outlined by God in His Word are well documented. Additionally, the concept of engaged men and women in both the Old and New Testament being called "husbands" and "wives" is convincingly extracted and described from the Bible by Dr. Adams.
Even the bulk of Dr. Adams' treatment of the subject of divorce is keenly derived from the Scriptures. God certainly hates divorce and has established considerable warnings to men from initiating such proceedings. While controversial, this reviewer found that much of the chapter dealing with the "exception clauses" was consistently and properly handled.

With so much of the book being biblically acceptable, why is such a harsh disapproval applied to this book by the reviewer? Primarily because of a simple misinterpretation of one passage: 1Corinthians 7:25-28. Dr. Adams commits a fundamental exegetical fallacy (to borrow a term from D.A. Carson) by taking verses 27 and 28 out of context, interpreting them as stand alone verses, and then issuing sweeping doctrinal statements that contradict uncounted passages of scripture that state the opposite.

Simply stated, 1Corinthians 7:25-28 refers to virgins who are engaged to be married. Engaged virgins are properly referred to as "husbands and wives" in the New and Old Testaments. Verses 25-28 state that virgins may end their engagements and remain single, may marry each other as planned, or may end their engagements and marry other people--and all without sinning or without their actions being labeled "adultery".
If one were to remove verses 27 and 28 from their context of verses 25-28 and then interpret them, one might be tempted to believe that this was a blanket permission for all married people to get a divorce, then remarry other people, and be free of having committed any sins, including adultery. Such an outcome would directly contradict many Bible passages, but none so blatantly as Jesus' own words, "whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32b).

Having made a doctrinal left turn, the good work done earlier in the book is systematically dismantled by the author. Since the out-of-context interpretation of 1Corinthians 7:27,28 seemingly permits everyone who gets a divorce for any reason at all to be remarried without it being called a sin: all people can be divorced (without sin), all divorced people can be remarried to others (without sin), divorce loses all stigma, and Jesus was mistaken to teach that one who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. The outcome then, is that a divorce ends a marriage, all obligations of the marriage, and the person can claim to be free to remarry whomever they wish just as if they were a virgin.

Scripturally this is not appropriate. Jesus' words still stand, divorced people who remarry others are committing adultery, and it is engaged virgins who may break their commitments to marry without it being considered a sin. Proper biblical interpretation is critical to the development of sound doctrine, and regrettably this book does not meet that standard.
As a result of this error, the book becomes all but incomprehensible, lost in a maze of discussion about legitimate divorces and illegitimate divorces, all divorces ending a marriage thereby releasing all parties from all obligations of marriage-but maybe not all, reconciliation being preferred albeit optional as is remarriage, and so on. It becomes nearly impossible to determine who would ever be guilty of committing adultery by the act of remarriage, if in fact, anyone would be using this text. Such a conclusion to this study makes a complex subject even more difficult.
Conclusion

In spite of his track record of writing truly outstanding biblical treatises, this book is not up to the typical quality of Dr. Adams' other works. Though much of the book is indeed well developed from the Scriptures, a poor interpretation of one key passage causes Dr. Adams to draw numerous incorrect conclusions about the permanence of marriage and the permissibility of divorced persons to be remarried without incurring a label of adultery.
As a definitive work on divorce and remarriage, this book is best left on the shelf. If one were to read only for the sections on marriage there would be some benefit. Using this book as a basis for marital counseling would not be wise.
... Read more

Product Description
RM Johnson, the Essence bestselling author of Dating Games and The Harris Family, delivers an absorbing and provocative new novel about the lowdown schemes and broken dreams that follow a fractured marriage.

Successful business entrepreneur Nate Kenny is thrilled to marry the beautiful and intelligent Monica, chiefly because it means he can at last fulfill his lifelong dream of having a family. While he isn't happy about it, he agrees with Monica to wait three years before trying for pregnancy. Once those three years are up and the couple discovers that she is unable to bear children, any love he once felt for Monica is gone, and Nate wants out of the marriage. But he's worried about losing half of his sixty-million-dollar fortune in a divorce settlement. Desperate for an out, he searches for a way to exploit the infidelity clause in the couple's prenuptial agreement.

Enter Lewis Waters. With his baby's mother addicted to drugs, Lewis is already seriously down on his luck when he accidentally smashes his car into Nate's Bentley. Without auto insurance or any way to pay for the repairs, Lewis is at the end of his financial rope. But the scheming Nate sees another way for the attractive young man to repay his debt: as sexual bait for Monica. And so Nate sets up Lewis with all of the accessories he believes Lewis will need to earn Monica's love, or at the very least, her lust: a big house, a fancy car, expensive clothes, and a full bank account. But as is often the case when it comes to matters of the heart, things don't unfold according to plan. When Monica falls hard for Lewis, Nate panics -- was protecting his fortune more important than trying to save his marriage? As he finds himself overwhelmed by second thoughts, Nate is willing to do anything to get Monica back.

An inspired fusion of realism and romance, The Million Dollar Divorce is an unpredictable caper of lust, betrayal, and family ties. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (108)

Could not put it down!
I went to the local library to get this book andno joke I did not put it down. It was finnished in about 2 hours. I even took it to the bathroom with me. LOL. After readingthe book I went to Amazon and purchased the complete series. Can wait to get them in the mail. This has been the best booksince reading Allison Hobbs. This is a book that you would pick up and read over and over again.If you want a good read Please read this book.

Million Dollar Divorce
The Million Dollar Divorce
RM Johnson
Simon & Schuster - 2004
Pages - 292$23.00 US
ISBN: 0-7432-5816-9
Reviewed by Yolanda M. Johnson
Literary Wonders!
[...]
5/2/2005
Rating: 4 Stars

What do you get when you cross love with boundaries and deceit?More than you bargained for and RM Johnson's "The Million Dollar Divorce".Mr. Johnson, author of the Harris Saga does it again with this page turning and suspenseful novel.
Nate Kenny adored his wife Monica and would do anything for her.The two shared what most view as the American Dream; the money, the house and car.Everything except 2.5 children.
Nate is excited when Monica utilizes a home pregnancy test that gives her a positive reading.Nine months from now, Nate thought that his dream would be complete.Little did he know that his dream would turn into a nightmare when Monica failed to tell Nate the truth after a follow up with her physician.
When Nate learns the truth, he becomes distant and tries to bear with his grief. That is until his grief turns into anger and then revenge.A slip of the tongue from Monica triggers Nate into a whirlwind of deceit himself as he vows to get rid of Monica leaving her penniless.
What Nate does not count on is his plan being foiled and coming back to bite him in the backside.
Meanwhile, while living with his girlfriend Selena in poverty, Lewis Waters, wishes for a better life for he and his daughter Layla.His love for Selena is merely symphathy, but does not want to ruin any chance of being in his daughter's life.
Lewis is tired of living in the Ida B. Wells Housing Project and has a hunch that Selena has turned back to her drug using ways.He is completely athis wits end when he finds out that Selena has gone back to her "usual" way of making money; all in front of his nine month old daughter.
Just when Lewis thinks his luck can't get worse, his car steers out of control hitting the driver in front of him.From that point on, Lewis' life is never the same.He must indulge in a little deceit of his own to keep himself from going to jail.When he agrees to an assignment from the driver of the vehicle hehits, Lewis finds himself in just a little too deep.Can he turn things around before it's too late.
The Million Dollar Divorce is an easy, exciting read that you won't want to put down for fear of missing what's next.
In The Million Dollar Divorce, RM Johnson gives new meaning to Sex, Lies and Videotape.And you will be in awe when you reach the end of this intriguing novel because if you think you know how it ends, think again.

An Insult to Any True Reader's Intelligence
This has got to be the most juvenile book I have ever read!The story line was utter foolishness.The plot was absurb and I can't believe he had the nerve to write an epilogue at the close of the romp!!Bad with a capital 'b'!There is probably not one word that has more than 2 syllables and he attempts to give the main character educational credibility by assiging her an MBA....but she works as a manager in a men's clothing store.Who gets an MBA and works in a clothing store???The male main character has to be the most asinine depiction of a husband.When hs wife can't have a baby he paints the nursery black...dumb dumb dumb!

WOW
What a book I couldn't put it down. It had so many twist and turns and the lies, especially Nate, he was something else he was so selfish for a man who had everything and Monica I don't know how I feel about her she was kind of back and forth between Nate and Lewis she wasn't to be trusted either. Lewis he seemed to passive, to be a somewhat thug he was kind of weak. However, the book was good and I'm now reading the sequal.

Read this if you don't expect much from the books you read
I have liked RM Johnson since his early books featuring the Harris men.
This book, requires a person to suspend disbelief.
A faithful woman, suddenly after ONLY 1 week of no sex, just has to have it with a guy she just met?
Nobody ever mentions the possibility of a surrogate? These are wealthy educated people?
Thats exactly whats wrong with this book. Anything that might subtract from the fantasy storyline, the writer just ignores it. Hopes his reader doesn't expect logic or reasonable storylines.

I still bought the sequel to this, again based ON RM Johnson's past performance. That book is even worse!! ... Read more

Product Description
This book is wonderfully uplifting and filled with stories from men and women who have successfully navigated the divorce and recovery process. Heartfelt stories provide support, inspiration, and humor on all the phases of divorce, including the initial shock of the decision, the logistics of living through it, self-discovery, and the new world of dating and even remarriage. This book is a great source of support for divorced and divorcing men and women. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (11)

Positive Spin on Divorce-it's possible!
Yes, the Chicken Soup folks did it! They were able to put a positive spin on divorce. I'm published in this book (The Second Half of Forever, pg. 76) and before it was officially published I heard lots of sarcastic comments like "now that's a must read!" Well, guess what? It's a very good book, though probably more for women than men (although certainly not exclusively so). Permission had to be obtained from every ex-spouse that was written about in the book, so that alone says some good (agreement) came out of the project. It would make a great gift, but probably best for those who have been divorced for a year or longer...probably not early-on when the wounds are still open.

Cynthia Briggs, Cookbook Author
Sweet Apple Temptations
Pork Chops and Applesauce: A Collection of Recipes and Reflections

Helpful to a wide audience
The Chicken Soup books are always tearjerkers so I limit myself to reading a few each night before bed.I had not read one for awhile and stumbled on this one.I wish I knew it existed earlier.The sections really apply to different phases and situations.I think anyone experiencing a relationship loss would get something out of this book.It provides encouragement that things will work out in time.

It's a good one
I picked up quite a few self-help books after my divorce. Thankfully, most were from the Library and I could return them at no expense. I felt so many emotions after my divorce. I wasn't sure what was normal. I just needed to try and make some sense out of it.
As a long time fan of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series, I pre-ordered this book from Amazon. It was exactly what I had been looking for. The personal accounts in the book provided a spectrum of experiences that allowed me to accept my ever-changing emotions. This book made me realize that there really were no "normal" feelings after a divorce. The stories provided different reasons couples may not succeed as well as different relationship outcomes between ex-spouses. The unknown is tough after a divorce, but this book provides a glimpse of the possibilities that will *eventually* come.
For me, this book was so much more valuable than all the other self-help books I picked up that focused on detailing the stages of loss. I didn't want to study my divorce; I just wanted to find some relief from the whole ordeal. This book provided that relief for me. I would recommend it to anyone struggling through the same situation.

Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorcee & Recovery
I found very tender and dear stories in this book that touch my very heart and soul.It was so reassuring to read others stories and then think that "I'm not the only one to feel this way, and there is hope at the end of this tunnel!"As long as I can feel that HOPE, I feel there is a chance for HAPPINESS. Thanks so much for sharing that LIGHT with my soul, it was pretty cloudy.

Thank you
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I was divorced 12 years ago and at the time wrote to the Chicken Soup People hoping to find the comfort that I knew would come from one of your books and was greatly disapointed to read that it was "in the works". Well 3 weeks ago I received an e-mail saying that there was now a book for the divorced. I ordered it right away and it came in 3 days. I sat down and read the 1st story and it was as though I had written it myself. She wrote my every feeling, about my pain and heartache, she seemed to know ME and had walked with me through the whole ordeal. Believe me, after 12 years I seemed to get the relief I was looking for and needed. I cried quite a bit that afternoon but it was a truly "good" cry. I read a few more stories and later in the evening went back and read the 1st story out loud so I could hear the words. I can't thank you enough and even though it took 12 years it was well worth it. I intend to get this book for anyone I hear is facing this time in their lives and pray they will find the comfort I have found. Thank you!! ... Read more

Product Description

How can children successfully survive the trauma of divorce? In friendly, heart-to-heart language, Archibald Hart offers divorced parents specific ways to help children cope with the psychological and social damage that comes with divorce.

Customer Reviews (7)

Acceptable
Was very insightful, seemed a little outdated, to deal with my situation I leaned more toward the advise from "Divorce Poison" but this book does assist with laying the ground work for children in these situations.

Helping Children Survive Divorce
This book is proving to be qute beneficial in helping our son's interaction with his two 11 and 15-year old sons during his divorce proceedings.

Shaming, condescending, unbalanced
I don't know where to start. My soon-to-be exhusband and I just threw the thing in the trash. This book takes a very old-fashioned stance against divorce - it is not acceptable and you only deserve credit if you are being abandoned by your spouse. You are sentencing your child to a "forever funeral" and virtually reserving them a place in society as a hardened criminal. oh brother.

Excellent Work
Ann Milner's review (below) is just, well, strange. Dr. Hart does not blame absent fathers. Instead, his point is one of what he says is a critical factor in helping children through divorce: consistency. Whenever possible, maintaining relationships, friendships, etc, is a key in helping children through this traumatic time. Clearly, Ann missed the context.

This is a hugely helpful book. I read it as part of a required text in a Master's counseling class. As a child of divorce (years ago), I wish this book had been around for my parents. It was healing, even for me, years later.

Getting a divorce? Have children? This should be required reading.

hit home like a sock in the jaw
granted, not every syllable hit me-no book will do that. but i really wish i had this book-or that this was out-when i was a lot younger. having been through three divorces by the time i was 15 (my mom being the main person) i feel that it has royally affected me, to the point that in my adulthood i act some of these things out. every single topic here i've experienced-from depression to anxiety to self-esteem issues. my feelings were never considered as far as arguments being in front of me, my isolation in my room for days sometimes(i was a good boy because i was in my room always doing stuff, or outside playing-alone. yeah, sure, that's healthy), my sadness, and the topper: the attitude of 'never mind your feelings-what about mine?'-being used as the sanctuary from the storm. granted, it is better for kids to not see their parents in constant negativity and conflict, so in that sense okay. but most divorces are hostile and the child's feelings are never considered. and yes, we carry on what we see to our adulthood-we do have memories. i feel that the reason i choose the wrong person in relationships is that i choose what i'm used 2, and it's not the divorces themselves but the attitudes that i had to live with all my life-it's what you are used 2. i have plenty of memories i'd love to delete from the harddrive inside my skull. message to couples on the borderline of their relationship: check your egos at the door, consider how your behavior is affecting your kids and change it-now! -if necessary, and consider how your attitudes will affect your kids 4 the rest of their lives. ... Read more

Product Description
DIVORCE EMPOWERMENT is a comprehensive, take-chargemanual of cost-effective, ready-to-apply divorce expertise andinsights. It is designed for the millions of Americans fearing,facing, or recovering from marital breakup and for divorceprofessionals who want an inclusive, yet easy-to-understand, resourcefor their clients. This book guides readers through all facets ofdivorce with essential legal and financial facts, practicalstrategies, empowerment techniques, and healingexercises. Cross-references, cited at the end of relevant sections,take readers effortlessly from any page to related informationelsewhere in the book. Specially designed "Organizers" simplify toughtasks and facilitate the implementation of successful financial,legal, and psychological strategies. The "Terms Of Divorce" Glossaryof over 325 entries enables readers to communicate in "legalese" withconfidence. An innovative "Customizing Guide" walks readers throughhow to adapt for their home states the specific points, terms, andnames introduced in the detailed legal model. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (8)

wish this was the first divorce book I bought...
I have purchased severalbooks on the subject of divorce - this book is one of the better, if not one of the best.It explains the process step by step.You never expect yourself to have to go through a divorce - but it was nice to have this book as a guide.

I wish I would have found this book first!

Read this Before You get Married!
A well organized, clear and coherent guide to a complicated and painful process.Even the happiest couples should peruse the pages of this practical handbook.My guess is that the divorce rate might drop.

EMPOWERMENT is SWEEPING the STATES
We were lost before DIVORCE EMPOWERMENT!

This guidebook is doing for us what no other divorce book or lawyer has been able to do. (It was enthusiastically recommended to us by a friend in North Carolina after he saw how miraculously it helped his divorcing clients.) Aside from being incredibly comprehensive, superbly organized, clearly written, and continually uplifting, DIVORCE EMPOWERMENT has features not found elsewhere. It has easily walked us through exactly how to adapt the legal facts so they were specific to our state of Illinois --- pure genius!

Thanks to Linda Power, an innovative --- yet wise, respectful author.

EVERYTHING in ONE BOOK for ALL AMERICANS!

Well-written, easy to understand - NY specific + more
There are no accidents: I met the author of this book when she had just received her first copies from the publisher; I was floundering trying to get accurate information about what to do, when and how to do it.Lawyers, legal referrals, community organizations and friends were trying to "help" by offering advice, much of it well-intended but inaccurate and COSTLY, both in the short- and long-term.

Linda Power's book is easy to read, well-organized, well-written, has excellent cross references, and nudges of positivism throughout: it has been both a life and time saver. It helped me to understand the legal terminology with which I was unfamiliar, and to be aware of the pitfalls of the legal system, specifically in relation to women's issues in matters of divorce and family law.

I recommend this book to others who are going through the divorce process whether you initiate it or are on the receiving end [KNOWwhat your attorney and the courts are saying to you, and what you might expect] and to attorneys who would like their clients to be well-informed and prepared. And shouldn't that be all attorneys...?

UNIQUELY EFFECTIVE TOOL
At last! A clear, organized, informative --- yet enjoyable and inspirational --- guidebook that effectively addresses the wide-ranging needs of my clients and supports them through the entire divorce process. ... Read more

Product Description

Prince Charming has turned into a toad or run off with Sleeping Beauty. . . . Now what?

Optimistic, chatty and accessible, Congratulations on Your Divorce guides you through the treacherous paths of divorce and into a life of renewed joy. It describes the world of divorce—warts and all—with some much-needed comic relief and heart. You’ll realize you’re not alone as you read about how the author and other women have coped with the emotional craziness of un-coupling, jettisoned their emotional baggage and gotten back on the road to defining and finding their happily ever after.

In a girlfriend-to-girlfriend conversational tone, Congratulations on Your Divorce explores all facets of divorce: from making the decision, to surviving the legal battles and getting on with life. Through the author's own experiences and those of other women, Congratulations on Your Divorce prepares you for the road ahead: how to get through the business of divorce with humor and aplomb, how to get beyond the bitterness and on to a healthy, happy life.

Customer Reviews (21)

This book nails it!
This book really gets to the heart of the matter!There is so much comfort to know that the author can really understand the feelings of how it is to have experienced divorce. It is something that goes on in your head for a long time after. This book is sensitive, funny and has a lot of useful tips on how to think about your life after divorce. It's like 'lessons from a best friend' that are really useful. I encourage any woman who is thinking about divorce or has gone through one in her life to read this book.It is a great companion on a lonely night.

Lisa M.

Above & Beyond Galpal Advice
Right from the get-go, I could tell Amy was writing straight from her heart and (unfortunately bad) experiences and wanted to help others wade the waters.Why?Why live through it again and again on a daily basis, rehashing it?Again, I could tell she really, truly wants to help others empower themselves.

She is a traffic sign when you are lost in the desert; helping to point you in a beneficial direction.Or, at least, provide you with information so you can make informed decisions with laughs along the way.

I highly recommend this!

Empoweringwomen to celebrate their new life
What is most interesting about his book is that it can serve as a practical guide not only to women post divorce, but also to those contemplating it. Through its honesty and wit, it empowers women to bravely journey forward, guided by the bright light at the end of the tunnel.

Great reading with a sense of charm and humor
About a month ago a friend and client introduced me to Amy Botwinick, the author of the book Congratulation on Your Divorce: The Road to finding Your Happily Ever After. Before meeting Amy my friend Kellytold me a little about her. How this chiropractor had a great practice with her now ex-husband, how she caught him cheating with the babysitter (YEA babysitter!) and how after a long divorce she made a big comeback, got her life in order and ended up writing the book based on her personal diary. Now, because of what I had gone through, running from a dangerous ex and coming to the US, I'm always proud to meet women who went through difficult and even like myself, violent situations and then turned the bad into something positive and made a comeback. Over the years I have seen many women who never where able to get out of a bad situation and many who did but never really "made it back".

Over the course of two short days I was able to speak with Amy briefly but more important I was able to see her in action. I saw how she was able to talk to several women about their personal issues and how she spoke from personal experience but with a real since of conviction and power. During the time I saw Amy with the other girls never once did I see her speak down to nor did her voice carry any condescending tone. She spoke from her heart and with a true since of compassion. Don't get me wrong this was no "OH poor is me sob story", Amy helped these women see how they could get their life in order, take the controls and trust in themselves.

After meeting Amy she gave me a copy of the Congratulations on Your Divorce: The Road to Finding Your Happily Ever After. At first I simply skimmed through but saw quickly that wherever I stopped I found myself reading several pages! After a few times of that I told myself "OK let's just start at the beginning and do this right." It's not that I felt I needed to relive old memories nor look into this book for advice for my current situation (happily married for 13yrs). I'm quite proud to say I am one of those who turned things around and made the big "comeback" but I have to say the book's truth combined with great humor compels you to keep reading.I can only say that after finishing it I would recommend it to any woman who's presently going through a divorce but even more importantly if you THINK your marriage may be heading that way. Amy is able to cover many practical points from the emotional, legal and the really hard part of learning how to move forward. I do wish I had read this many years ago. I know it would have defiantly helped me not make several of the mistakes I and so many other women make when surrounded and emotionally drowning as your marriage collapses. To sum it up the book gives something much more than advice or knowledge it gives the reader a little hope!

So Disappointing
I read all the reviews, & was looking forward to reading this.But it is so disappointing.First of all, it's heavily weighted toward the woman who has initiated the divorce herself.Short shrift to men, & to those who were dumped.Next, it's heavily weighted toward those who use lawyers; she knows very little about mediation or collaborative divorce.And last, the "revelations" are so predictable and unhelpful.If you're resentful, stop.IF you're angry,"let go".Be positive!Be sunny!Keep your sense of humor (even though this book is remarkably free of humor)!And so on.Gee, never thought of these things.Come on, we KNOW we're supposed to let go of our anger, resentment, guilt, etc.Help us figure out HOW to do that, would you?In addition, she seems to think there's this linear process, where "sadness" is the last stage.Well,when I was left, I felt sadness first.THEN anger, then guilt, then back to sadness -- as anyone who really knows human psyches might tell you -- it's NOT linear, and we don't all follow the same pattern.I actually felt more depressed after reading this book. ... Read more

Product Description

A complete guide to financial self-defense for people facing divorce

Written by two noted divorce planning experts, this book arms readers with the knowledge and tools they need to make it through a divorce with their financial skins intact. Readers learn of all the financial risks and ramifications involved, as well as how to prepare themselves for any eventuality. And they get proven strategies for negotiating the best possible financial solution, along with valuable work sheets, checklists, and sample documents. Among other important lessons, readers learn how to:

• Construct a solid financial action plan when divorce seems imminent
• Get a complete picture of family finances, including the low down on a spouse's small business or intellectual assets
• Negotiate a win-win financial settlement
• Choose the best settlement method, from options including mediated, arbitrated, and collaborative agreements
• Avoid tax penalties and pitfalls and deal with retirement nest egg, 401(k), and SSI issues

Customer Reviews (6)

Protecting Your Financial Security
The book shares some good advice and some of the situations you may encounter.This was very helpful, but no book can anticipate the problematic financial situations one may encounter in their individual divorce. There are situations in which you face not only an unpleasant situation, but the negative, dark side of human nature...in your mate and yourself!

Not true to it's title. Propagates the depraved system...
The book has some good general information about things to consider, but it didn't provide me the kind of information I needed to avoid getting raked over the coals by my ex and the cruel California no-fault family law system.The book is too sympathetic to the philosophy that the major breadwinner in the family is morally and legally obligated to support their poor unfaithful ex to prevent them from having a reduced lifestyle after the divorce.Tough luck.I guess a divorce isn't really a divorce.California law is based on the one-sided assumption that the mate that deferred their career to raise the kids is the only one in the marriage that made any sacrifices and the policy merely protects the state from having to support them if they decide to bail.The book is in some ways irrelevant because the authors don't seem to understand that the system as it exists is the equivalent of indentured servitude.Instead, they should be devoting themselves to alimony reform because it's unfair to men.If you're a guy and your ex is trying to get set up for life at your expense, which the system will support wholeheartedly, from the arbitrary long-term alimony policy to the lawyers who make more from no-fault divorce, to the authors who promote it, don't bother with this book.Fight for your future and don't let the system steamrole you into submitting to their twisted morality.Mediate and don't let anyone tell you what you should be paying and for how long.Everything is negotiable.Oh, I guess you could say that I'm just a bitter divorcee, but until you've walked in these shoes, you don't know (yet) how it adds insult to injury to have someone else, whether it be the state, the lawyers, or authors like these, tell you how you should be spending your income after your "divorce."

Complicated and confusing
This book has some good fundamental information but it is wrapped around a lot of confusing topics making it very difficult to use.There was one chapter I was most interested in - retirement accounts and 401k's however, this chapter was short and did not give me any more information than I could have gotten over the internet.

Great guidance
This book was written to make you THINK through the process on multiple levels.It is great for those who are simply contemplating divorce, as well as those who've decided to proceed.It suggests a number of additional trustworthy resources.Definitely worth the read before proceeding.

Read before the divorce!
Very good advice for those who are going through a divorce. I wish I had read it before I was taken for over $150,000 in Alimony. Helps you realize that a vindictive and cruel spouse can ruin you financially and still look like the victim! ... Read more

Product Description
Is there really such a thing as a good divorce ? Determined to uncover the truth, Elizabeth Marquardt herself a child of divorce conducted, with Professor Norval Glenn, a pioneering national study of children of divorce, surveying 1,500 young adults from both divorced and intact families between 2001 and 2003. In Between Two Worlds, she weaves the findings of that study together with powerful, unsentimental stories of the childhoods of young people from divorced families.

The hard truth, she says, is that while divorce is sometimes necessary, even amicable divorces sow lasting inner conflict in the lives of children. When a family breaks in two, children who stay in touch with both parents must travel between two worlds, trying alone to reconcile their parents often strikingly different beliefs, values, and ways of living. Authoritative, beautifully written, and alive with the voices of men and women whose lives were changed by divorce, Marquardt s book is essential reading for anyone who grew up between two worlds.

Makes a persuasive case against the culture of casual divorce. Washington Post ... Read more

Customer Reviews (35)

Be sure you are ready to read this work
As a trained journalist and previously a writer and editor who wrote up the results of social studies in several fields, I picked up Between Two Worlds hoping to see a new and clearer picture of the effects of divorce on the lives of children after they had grown.

Instead, I read several emotional sucker punches: beautifully written analogies comparing the child to a football being punted between parents. Then a common scare tactic that these children will not find love: a quote from a young woman not of divorce saying she wasn't sure she could marry her boyfriend, whose parents had been divorced.

Very quickly I could see that this author was quite scarred by her parents' divorce, which occurred early in her life, and she was shuttled at great distances between the two houses for long periods. She clearly missed the other parent desperately. This created an agenda in her: stop casual divorce.

I think this might be a good book for children of divorce who have unsettled feelings that will get validated by Marquardt. And in that case, I can recommend this work.

But if you are going through a divorce, or are divorced, please, spare yourself much upset and emotional manipulation by picking up a more authoritative and objective title than this one.

Groundbreaking
Motivated by her own childhood experiences, Elizabeth's in depth research into the effects of children of divorce is truly groundbreaking. Her focus is on those who are outwardly successful, with college degrees and professional lives and the like. Her national study shows that though they are successful, they still carry great effects internally as a result of years of growing up "Between Two Worlds."

For those who themselves grew up a child of divorce, for those who know someone else who did, or for those who will be working with couples thinking about divorce, this book is for you. It will allow you for the first time to see the divorce from the child's perspective rather than that of the adults. As a child of divorce myself, and for all the insights I received through this book, I give it my highest praise.

Divorced mom appreciates this work
I'm a divorced mom of twin boys and I can say it was very painful and difficult for me to get through this book because much of what I was reading I knew to be true.My case was part of that smaller percentage where divorce was indeed the best of a small set of very poor options.But it still hurts to know how the kids have suffered and still do.I see those "old souls" everyday and I can pinpoint that transformation to when my husband left when they were five (they are now seventeen), even though our lives were fraught with constant tension and frequent turmoil while he was living with us.

I can certainly understand the perspectives of the people interviewed in this book.I like her research and that she has used Judith Wallerstein's research (from a 25-year landmark study) in her book for support.Early on I read two of Judith's books Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce (the 1989 version) and Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, The: A 25 Year Landmark Study.I appreciated the not-so-easy-to-swallow results of her studies.I read through every single book I could on divorce and it's affects on kids back between 1998 and 2002 (even to the extent of having my local library order books from around the country) and these two books were the only ones to largely address the deep effects and scarring to the kids involved.

I have also experienced the other side of this where parents' divorce is candy-coated by many including therapists (!!), so I know that this prevailed.Not once did anyone ever stress to me the detriment that the kids would experience.Yes, I was armed with tools for handling certain things and their emotional well-being.But not once did anyone ever say or explain to me, "As much as you will suffer, your kids with their unconditional love of both parents, their deep affinity with their father (the parent who left), their immaturity, lack of voice, lack of experience, and lack of adult coping skills will suffer much more greatly."If you take the time to think about it just a little, it makes complete sense.And that is the bottom line.In my case, perhaps they thought it a moot point to bring up since it was strongly considered the best course of action for my children by all the professionals I sought advice from.But they still should have told me, explained this to me.All divorced parents and those contemplating it need to know exactly what they are dealing with so they can best meet the needs of their kids.Yes, it's not pleasant, heartbreaking in fact, but we need to know!!

There are other very candid and generous accounts out there too in autobiographies of famous people who experienced divorce as kids.One that I think is especially poignant is David Cassidy's Could It Be Forever?: My Story. While the book is about a lot more than just his experience with his parents' divorce, he describes how it profoundly affected his life and still does.

I applaud any thoughtful, well-founded effort to give voice to these largely silent victims, who have doubly suffered this "loss that keeps on giving", first with the separation itself, and then as the voiceless vulnerable, and to raise this awareness among parents, family members, therapists, lawyers, teachers, spiritual leaders, friends, and anyone else involved with children of divorce.

Hardly scientific
This is an autobiography parading as research. The author has had a particularly difficult childhood with not one, but two divorces plus the suicide of a step-parent and she makes no attempt to be objective in her analysis.

Her own personal tragedies so colour her perceptions that its hard to describe this as a study at all.

The Children Are Never Grown
Marquart's discoveries about children of divorce are a powerful antidote to the divorce culture, where parents think kids are better off when they separate than if they're unhappily married. The kids, unfortunately, don't get a vote in this decision.

There is also an assumption that it's ok to divorce "when the children are grown."Well I discovered while writing a book about older parents and divorce entitled: He's History, You're Not: Surviving Divorce After 40, that teen and adult children can be just as devastated as younger children when their parents get divorced--the only difference is that they're expected to just suck it up.After all their parents stayed married all those years for "their sake" so what right do they have to complain now? However, when parents get divorced , whether the kids are 3, 13, or 30 the fallout can be endless, devastating and destroy entire extended families. Adults whose parents divorce have to reevaluate their entire childhoods in the light of the divorce--they wind up wondering if their entire childhoods were a lie.They have to deal with the "custody issues," i.e. where they go on holidays, who gets to walk them down the aisle, who gets to babysit the grandchildren etc. Events like marriages, which should be happy occasions become fraught with anxiety.Not only the adult children suffer--older parents who divorce can suffer extreme losses as well--such as the right to see their grandchildren if their child blames them for the divorce.

Divorce is a nasty business... however, and whenever, it happens.

Erica Manfred
Author
He's History, You're Not: Surviving Divorce After 40

... Read more

Product Description
With childlike innocence and humor, a young narrator living with his single father and brother explains divorce and it?s grown-up words ? like ?New Arrangement,? ?Ideal Situation,? and ?Differences? ?from a kid?s point-of-view. Special emphasis is placed on the fact that divorce is not the child?s fault, that it is a grown-up problem.Deals with practical day-to-day matters such as single-family homes, joint custody, child-care issues, and misunderstandings. Includes Note to Parents. Full-color illustrations through-out. For ages 2-6. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (15)

Highly recommended for little kids going thru a divorce.
Ordered this book along w/3 others for my 5 & 3 yr old boys who are going thru a divorce between their mom& me.It is their favorite 1 out of the 4 - and it is nice that is placesa primary emphasis on the role of the 2 boys with their father.However, mom is not negatively portrayed and gets a fairly equal amount of time in the story.It helps explain to the kids that the divorce is not their fault - but something that is only between the adults.It also helps emphasize that both their parents still love them wherever they go.At times, this story is a little more complicated, but I know the message is getting through.I also highly recommend "TWO HOMES", which is a little less complicated and is definitely level-handed for both parents.

Love this book
my children have a classmate with divorced parents. every now and then they would see him come to school with a suitcase so they finally asked and got the answer my parents are divorced so sometimes i go with my mom and sometimes with my dad. this book helped them understand the whole deal with divorce.

My son loved this.
Book is geared towards a young audience but my 7 year old found it easy to read.He reads it often when he misses his dad and even wrote a book report on it.Takes the blame off of the child and frees them to love both parents inspite of the situation.Was a bit taken aback by the mother being the one to leave.Otherwise pleased.

This book is totally biased
This book is totally biased and certainly helpful for making good mothers look bad to their children in a divorce situation. It's sad that things like this are written to add fuel to the fire of divorce situations that are already tough enough on the children already.

Helpful resource
I am a social worker in private practice and I have read this book to many of my clients. It covers important issues/topics related to divorce and normalizes feelings. It is a particularly helpful tool for helping children understand that the divorce was not their fault.

Other helpful books for mental health professionals working with children of divorce include:

Creative Interventions for Children of Divorce

Where am I Sleeping Tonight? (A Story of Divorce)Dinosaurs Divorce

What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce? A Survival Guide for Kids
... Read more

Product Description
What could be good about a bad marriage? The good news is, you can get beyond that old marriage and its destructive habits, and build a brand-new one with the same spouse. And you can do it in just 90 days, even if only one spouse is committed to change.Thousands of couples in marriages that are on the brink will never enter a therapist's office, and for others it's too late by the time they do agree to come. But for more than 20 years, David Clarke has seen marriages turn around in just 12 weeks. Here he takes his 90-day plan and presents it using humor, Scripture, and personal stories to help couples turn difficult marriages into great ones. Whether the issue is communication, the kids, negative attitudes, or even serious sin, Clarke's personalized approach will put readers on the road to a great marriage. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (4)

The Ultimate Tough Love Approach
Are you serious about saving your marriage?Do you care about the emotional health of your children?Have you tried counseling that just doesn't seem to be doing the job in changing your marriage to the way it should be?Full of love, respect, caring, and sharing with each other.Then this book will guide you in finding fulfillment in your marriage. This is not a book for the married couple who is not willing to commit to a process that will be uncomfortable and sometimes painful.Dr.David Clarke believes that all of us come into our marriages with emotional wounds created by unresolved conflicts from our past.In order for our marriages to thrive we need to go back and take a look at those painful experiences and forgive the people who hurt us.Only then can we properly respond to our spouses in a way that brings about the kind of marriage that makes our hearts sing.
Dr. David Clarke's section on the "Stick" I believe is the most empowering section of all."Stick" is Dr. David Clarkes term for a person who refuses to change.The "Stick" is a person who is completely self-centered who only thinks about his own needs and desires.The book describes a series of well explained, specific steps to be taken by the willing spouse.If the willing spouse takes those steps, the unwilling spouse has no choice but to shape up or ship out.

Step by Step Process
Provides a VERY Christian based step by step approach to improving your relationship.While I was not a fan of all of the steps listed in this book, I did feel that there are some very good points that can be of benefit to everyone.

worth every penny!!!
So I work at a local bookstore in my town. I came across this book and it was just after my husband came home drunk and physically abused me. My husband is a wonderful man and has never done anything like that before. And he's been doing everything possible to get the help he needs.
We weren't sure if we could save our marriage. So I was stocking the shelves and I saw this book. I figured what the heck, I'll check it out. I was desperate for answers to save our marriage.
This book is amazing. The authors writing is so modern, relaxed, and easy to get pulled in. After reading the first 5 pages, I literally thought, was this book written specifically about US!?!? They help with all different levels and situations. From intimacy issues in the bedroom and romance to abusers and critical cases.
My husband has decided to read it with me too. We're only a quarter way in and it's already helped us a LOT. It teaches a 12 week step by step guide to building the foundation to your marriage.
It has definitely been a useful tool in rebuilding the trust that was lost with his alcoholism. I would recommend it to anyone who is on a slippery slope with their spouse. It is addressed to both genders of the couple and even if you're just looking to make things between you even a LITTLE better, it helps with that too.
So glad I bought this book!!!

Direct and Daring
When a marriage reaches the point where the "D" word is tossed about like a hand grenade, it is hard to imagine that it can be saved, even though there are hundreds of books and programs that promise to do just that. The problem is that the efforts are usually one-sided; seldom do you see a couple in crisis calmly selecting a book on how to save their marriage. Yet, it has been Dr. David Clarke's experience that even the most hopeless of situations can be turned around with proper guidance and faith.

I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE is actually two guides in one. The first section is for couples who recognize that there are problems in their marriage and agree to work on them together. These problems can be a result of lost passion, arguments over children and finances that never get resolved, or some continuing sin. Dr. Clarke calls this "Dead Marriage Walking."

The second section is for those who have a spouse who is unwilling to change. Although the author refers to the unmovable "Stick" as the husband, it could just as easily be the wife. It is the partner who is content to maintain the status quo even though the status is miserable. Dr. Clarke writes: "Well, you married a Stick and now you're stuck." Yikes, not very compassionate there, Doc. But hold on. While Chapters 2 through 13 are loaded with wonderful ideas and exercises to help couples recover from a sickly marriage, it is in the latter chapters that the most difficult work gets done...when one of the partners is not willing to help.

Unlike many well-meaning Christian counselors, Dr. Clarke does not recommend that a woman married to a Stick stay stuck. He does not advise her to be submissive and to continue loving the Stick until he realizes the error of his ways and turns into a wonderful man of God. Instead, Dr. Clarke reveals the true nature of the Stick, and it is not pretty. The Stick can be emotionally abusive, selfish and a poor excuse for a father. And he will never change unless he has to.

Whether you are reading this book because you are married to a Stick or want to help someone who is, I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE will help you get to the very root of the problem and provide you with answers that you may never have thought of or been given by most Christian counselors. Direct and daring, Dr. Clarke clearly empowers the wife to wage the final battle for her marriage. He cites Biblical methods for confrontation and outlines the steps she needs to take. They are not easy steps, but unless the Stick has no redeeming qualities left in him, there are bound to be some changes from the status quo.

I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE is not the average "take two Scriptures and call me in the morning" Christian self-help guide. It is an exciting opportunity for those who have "tried everything" to get some real and lasting help.

--- Reviewed by Maggie Harding ... Read more

Product Description
Single, Married, Separated, & Life After Divorce, Expanded Edition (2003) Singleness is a myth. To be single means to be all one (alone), separate, unique and whole. MARRIAGE is when two separate, unique and whole persons, one male and one female, make a covenant to exchange vows, committing their lives to remain together until death. Separation is an unofficial divorce with the exact same effect as divorce. It is the most tragic state of limbo. Divorce means to desert. The armed forces prosecute deserters. God has made no provision for divorce in the Bible. If you are invited to a wedding, you are a covenant witness, and if this couple later divorces, you should be invited to the divorce just as you were to the wedding. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (28)

Very helpful book!
This author has a very helpful view of how to see one's singleness and the importance of putting Christ first in our lives rather than looking to others to meet our needs. He is off in his doctrine of salvation, and doesn't seem to see the part of the Holy Spirit in drawing hearts to Himself, which is my only caution about the book.If someone is firm on their position in the Lord, I would recommend it for preparing to live life for the Lord single and married and for anyone who has been burnt and needs to get their priorities straight before they pursue relationships again.

Ho to succeed as a single, married, separated, life after divorce
Good book to have. It explains what you need to know about you as a whole first. Then, how that works in your loneliness, marrital life, separate life, and divorce while going in detail of how you can comprehend them. The book also has passages from the Bible.

Big disappointment
I like Myles Munroe but he missed it with this book. I don'r even understand why he has a workbook, there is nothing to work. This is a good book for singles but not for the latter part of the title of this book. If you need a good book on speraration, marriage, divorce or life after; read Tony Evans Speaks Out on Divorce and Remarraige. It may actually save the marriage of the person who is weeking a "no-fault" divorce or those who may be being served by one who did not commit adultery or dessertion.

This book will change many attitudes & Christian Communities
Firstly- I have to say WOW! This is by far the BEST book I have ever read on the true meaning of our purpose-singleness-marriage! I was always afraid to be alone....thinking once I got married, everything else would fall into place in my life! For the first time in my life I am excited to be single! I am ready to do what I was born to do and if it does happen that I do get married, thats ok as long as I am working on me and doing what I was born to do! Thats what matters most and this book provided me with that- i love it love it love it!!!
Single Married Separated Life After Divorce

Pensive Evaluation
This book enables you to take stock of your life and hopefully show you the direction you need to go.Very thought provoking and soul provoking.This is a Faith based approach.I would recommend for anyone contemplating marriage.If married and contemplating separation or divorce,please give this book a chance. ... Read more

Product Description
Editor H. Wayne House brings together four contributors to debate varying Christian views on divorce and remarriage. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (13)

THERE IS AN UTRA CONSERVATIVE 5TH VIEW!

I was raised in the Episcopal Church but now am more of a Baptist/Southeastern Mennonite.

Excellent written book very thorough in the 4 views, but not very thorough in that there is another view they did not debate; it my biggest disappointment that all views were not debated. The 5th View was not hardly even addressed, most likely because it is not at all popular and most do not know it even exist.Like being brainwashed by Evolution because you never even heard that there was such a thing as Creation science. (I was there too)

The view they hardly mention is where all remarriages, without the death of the mate, are continuos adultery and most of all are not recognized by GOD.The Book "Till Death Do Us Part?" by Dr. Joseph Webb addresses this 5th view very well.He also had another book "Divorce and Remarriage: The Trojan Horse Within the Church".Let me say I do not like the view myself and I don't want to believe it; but it is now my conviction .

I was really hoping that this book with the 4 views might have shed some light on the subject; but I think only Laney just barley touched on it and dismissed it. I really did like his comment in the book where he stated "Smacks of License". I would really have liked one of the views in the book to be this 5th view, so I might have an argument against it.

I am closer to the view of no remarriage until the Death of the mate even if they have remarried; but that just leave one trapped in the Limbo of being single for life (as one of the other authors basically stated).I don't want to believe that either, but I do believe that,I am still married to my wife who has "remarried" as it were.So in general society thinks that once the minister or Judge says "Hocus Pocus" that the old marriage is no more and a new one is made... at least as far as the laws of the land is concerned; but what does a HOLY GOD see it as? Rom 7:1-3 There are several books on it at [...] where the focus of the website is on this 5th view.

I was on the very liberal side of divorce and remarriage before. I really would like to believe that I am free from and abusive marriage that I am/was in.I am under strong conviction now that I am still married to my "X"-wife and that I have to wait for her to repent of her adulterous remarriage and come back to me.It's a very lonely and a hard road to go down.I was a virgin when we married and she lied to me about her passed.No children and I am to stay celibate for life, unless she forsakes her sinful "remarriage" and comes back.She is a physically beautiful woman but her Bi-polar personality tortures my soul and I really would like to move on; but I stand alone.

Touchy Subject/Issue
The more I know about God and His written Word, the more I know that I don't know as I ought to know.Even the Bible cannot clearly and totally describe God because God is much bigger than words can express.Am I questioning the Bible?Absolutely not!But no human words, howbeit inspired by the Holy Spirit, can paint a picture of who God is.And if God is not easily describable, then it is logically accepted that everything related with God is as hard or impossible to describe in its fullness.

Why using too many words to get my point across?Why not go straight to the point and clearly state the issue of divorce and remarriage?The reason is simple: there are no straight and clear points concerning these two issues.The reason is that marriage is made of two different people with different backgrounds (spiritual, educational, moral, cultural, and mental) and they come into marriage with two different views of how marriage should function in order to be successful and lasting.

Divorce and remarriage are two subjects that are best dealt with in a case-by-case basis because of the differences issue mentioned above and because of the circumstances that are facing those who are contemplating divorce and/or remarriage.

J. Carl Laney
Concerning divorce and remarriage, Mr. Laney states, "But often the issues [divorce and remarriage] are confused by personal feelings, experiences and emotions."We must understand that though this statement carries some weight on these two issues (D&R for now on); feelings, experiences and emotions cannot or should not be discarded totally because many times God may speak through them to us.Mr. Laney, in my defense to him states that "Any biblical study of divorce must begin with a consideration of God's original plan for marriage."Concerning Genesis 2:24, he also states that "This foundational passage reveals that marriage was divinely designed and instituted as a lifelong relationship."I could not agree more with Mr. Laney.It is imperative that any Bible student seriously consider going to the beginnings of human history and reflect on God's design for man and woman to live as one.There has to be a standard and Mr. Laney did a great job pointing us to it on his essay.However, we must understand that such standard was set by an infallible and perfect being (God) for a fallible people to follow.

To limit D&R to only two reasons (adultery and death) is limiting God's grace.What should a man or woman do if they are "burning" within themselves after getting a divorce?Paul states, "So I say to those who aren't married and to widows--it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am.But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry.It's better to marry than to burn with lust." Isn't a divorced person an unmarried person or a person who is not married?This argument is similar to the one concerning the "requirements" Paul gave to Timothy for someone who may consider becoming a bishop.Paul states (emphasis mine), "An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money."Isn't a remarried man the husband of one wife?

Though I strongly disagree in limiting divorce to just two circumstances, I must agree with Mr. Laney when he stated that we must be careful with divorce situations in the Bible such as the one with Ezra and the people of Israel lest we draw a doctrine, possibly an erroneous one, from a story which purpose was perhaps to inform us what a man of God did in order to steer God's people back to Him.

William A. Heth
Mr. Heth kind of came near of what he believes the Bible teaches: Yes for divorce in the case of adultery and No for remarriage except for the case for widows and widowers.I found out that Christians judge people from their strength to the weakness of those they cast judgment on.It is in our blood.I have no doubt (75% certain) that Mr. Heth is probably married and has never been divorced.Experience has shown me that when we contend for the "faith" concerning a particular subject, we gave our all when we are not guilty of the very thing we are contending for.For example, if I don't struggle with pornography, it probably easier for me to condemn and harshly judge others who do struggle with it.On the other hand, if I do struggle with pornography, it is likely, or it should be, that I tend to show kindness and compassion towards those who struggle with it because I have an understanding of what it is to be bound by it.

Mr. Heth presents a case of a man he named Jack whose wife left him 15 years ago.He raised his children and he is a man of God who, along with a widow named Sarah, is involved in making disciples out of young believers.The issue arises when Sarah and Jack are spending time together to the point that they like each other.Both give testimony that they are God's people.It seems that they like each other to the point of starting a family.Though we can't go by feelings alone, we can't totally discard them either.Mr. Heth would not marry them because of his own personal convictions, and that is alright.But I think he should go an extra mile and, instead of relying on a personal conviction towards all remarriages, he should consider seeking the Lord for discernment for every odd situation he may face concerning D&R.What I liked from Mr. Heth is that he does not presume to tell or dictate people under his care what they should do concerning D&R.He is wise in presenting his views and letting his hearers decide what they will do.

Thomas R. Edgar
One of the views I like from Mr. Edgar is that those who have different views on D&R cannot blindly accept the patristic view by the church fathers because they too were frequently unreliable in such matters.In other words, we cannot rely totally or blindly on the history and/or experiences of past Christians because they were fallible humans just as we are, too.No one, not even the Apostle Paul, does not or did not have the monopoly or the whole counsel of God.Even Peter (referring to Paul's writings) and even Paul (referring to the mystery of the gospel) did not understand many of the things related to God, and they recognized that.

On the other hand, I felt as though Mr. Edgar was executing an attack, as Mr. Laney stated, on those views or people who subscribe to a view different than his.It is as though he was saying, "My way or the wrong way."

Larry Richards
For personal reasons, I seem to go with Mr. Richards on the issue of D&R.The reason is that he seems to show much mercy and grace towards those who divorce and/or remarry.He stated, "What do Jesus' words `Moses permitted you to divorce because your hearts were hard' imply?Simply that God, in grace, has taken the warping of humankind into account.He gave his permission in Moses' Law for human beings to take a course of action which actually goes against his own ideal."

The so called Moses' Law was given by God and that makes it God's Law even if it goes against His own ideal, in this case, of what marriage should be.

Conclusion
It is the prayerful life coupled with constant Bible study, and guidance and discernment from the Holy Spirit that could give the correct and necessary advice to someone in a D&R situation.The D&R is as clear as mud for the most part when dealing with specific situations.The Bible is not a set of rules or do's and don'ts.It is a set of books inspired by God and only He can give us the meaning and the correct path to follow in D&R issues in the event we may go through it or in the event others experience them.

Maybe I missed it, overlooked it, or did not understand it, but all four authors missed a very important point on D&R.They all used Mark 10:9 but they did not point out that, though God designed marriage, He does not join every person in marriage.A person can marry another person knowing that such a marriage is against the will of God.If they divorce, it is as though the marriage never existed since it was consummated outside the will of God.

One more thing, if it's logical to think that having sex with a prostitute makes me "one flesh" with her in God's eyes, then it is logical to think that sex consummates marriage.But, who will have the guts to say the being "one flesh" with a prostitute was joined together by God?I know that marriage is much more than sex, but the "one flesh" issue, in marriage or joining oneself with a prostitute, is birthed by the sex act.At the end, I have come to the conclusion that I must seek first the face of the One who inspired the Scriptures and ask Him to guide me, especially on issues related to D&R.

Scholarly but muddled attempt to provide Biblical directives
This book provides substantial chapters by four evangelical theologians on their interpretations on Biblical passages relating to divorce and remarriage.Chapters include a case study. Each author also writes a brief but pointed response to the other authors' chapters.All four authors base their views on Biblical exegesis and Biblical theology.They all have high regard for Scripture, church tradition and scholarly input from others.Each is given the task of defending their own interpretation which is different than the others'.

I enjoyed reading the book and think each author writes well and provides persuasive arguments. Unfortunately, the format of the book and the subtle nuances of the authors leads to an ambiguous conclusion on both divorce and remarriage.

There seems to be two themes in this book: the interpretation of the Scripture and the pragmatic pastoral response to real life situations.Even Dr. Laney who believes and argues well that the Bible does not allow for divorce or remarriage admits what is required is grace and mercy in dealing with those who may need to divorce or who will remarry, as he seems to imply that of course there are cases where divorce and even remarriage are justified and favorable.The other authors also provide confusing statements related to pastoral practice that conflicts with their Biblical exegesis.

Larry Richards who supposedly argues that divorce and remarriage are permitted also writes that both are also sins in all cases, so what is a reader supposed to determine from that?The differences in opinions often rest on different syntactical readings of Greek text and differing interpretations of Hebrew text.None of these are worthy arguments on which to base doctrine, especially when the bottom line here is not theory or theology but real people who need clarity and direction by pastors.

The benefit from this book is for pastors or counselors who will be providing care to people regarding marriage, divorce and remarriage. Readers will see the various Scripture interpretations informing doctrines.But more than anything will see why it is important to seek God's guidance and love and compassion for each single case.

Another fault with this book is the negligence on discussing God's character rather than focusing on the exegesis of particular text.I would have appreciated spending more time discussing how God interacts with people in crisis and deals with their weakness, failings, sins and desires.For example, how does Jesus' treatment of the Sabbath relate to his consideration of this topic?Or Paul's treatment of works v. grace relate to marriage.The book focused on particular passages rather than themes in Scripture.

Readers will gain a higher regard for the sacrament or union of marriage and will not tread into these decisions lightly.The authors all make God's high view and sanctity of marriage clear.

The bottom line for me, someone in seminary to become a priest, is that I'm glad I read this book. It was enlightening and I would recommend it for other ministers. However, it does not clarify the topic, and I would not recommend for people looking for clarity or personal direction regarding divorce and remarriage.

Interesting to note:
Good book. It's interesting to note that Heth has actually reversed his position to actually allow for re-marriage under select circumstances. see three views on divorce and remarriage.

so, the second author would by and large disagree with most of his own essay in this book.

Explains Different Views Well
This book explains four major views of divorce and remarriage within a narrow stream of evangelicalism.Not only are the four views explained, but the authors of opposing viewpoints are allowed to reply and respond.This book will help Christian leaders, particularly those serving as volunteer leaders, determine their position on these issues. ... Read more

Product Description
The end of a significant relationship initiates painful and powerful change in one's life, daily habits, and even in one's personal identity. In Thriving After Divorce, author and relationship coach Tonja Evetts Weimer offers readers a grounded approach to growing through the difficult life transitions that arise from the breaking of our most defining partnerships. Weimer's book will guide readers through a potentially tumultuous time to a safe place by showing how to put one's actions in alignment with one's needs and values for positive outcomes that will strengthen and prepare the heart for a new path.

The key is in learning how to create an authentic new life, and therefore, a different relationship with the partner in the absence of shared romantic love. This relationship allows the possibility of any continuing combined goals, while building and sustaining necessary boundaries and guidelines for new interactions. Weimer shows readers how to deal with shared responsibilities involving children, mutual business interests, the care of family members, and other situations that require both parties to work together in the new space of the relationship. Thriving After Divorce speaks to anyone who has gone through a breakup, providing hope, alternatives, empowerment, and inspiration to find a new way to relate to former situations and relationships that, in the past, could have been fractious. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (8)

Transforming your life
The book is great for all people , whether you have been married, out of a relationship or about to get in one.She gives you great insight and tools to move on from the past and learn how not to repeat the same mistakes the next time around. The book is very complete and gives you solid solutions and actions to take.

A "Must Read", regardless of your relationship status!

The title "Thriving After Divorce" implies that this book is written to support divorcees; this is true. This book is equally an excellent source of support and information for those people, single or with a partner, who are invested in having a happy, healthy relationship.

There are certainly cultural stages to life; in many parts of the United States, to be a single, child-less, 30-something woman is to feel left out. At this age, the stage appears to be "normally" set with a career, placed somewhere off to stage left as a partner and children enter from stage right. Some women who lack a partner and/or children at this age may feel that they did not receive a part on the stage; instead, these women feel that they have been banished to an audience of one, as their friends and peers act out a life filled with family. At times, as I have watched my friends partner up and have children, (and now some of them are even beginning to have their second child), I have felt alone - the single member of the audience.

In reading "Thriving After Divorce", I have realized that the act that involves partnering up and having children is not confined to a certain period of time or age. Reading this book has helped me realize that there are other parts of my life, of me, that I can focus on, and that by focusing on these parts of my life, I will generally be happier and healthier, which is much more likely to attract a complementary partner. This book has helped me take stock of what I want to bring into a relationship, what I need to work on in order to fulfill that goal and also what I expect from my future partner and from the relationship.

Although I have neither been married, nor divorced, "Thriving After Divorce" has been an insightful journey into self-awareness and personal responsibility. This book is equally for those who have yet to enter a serious relationship as it is for those who are in the process of extricating themselves from one.

A top recommendation for any general lending library
THRIVING AFTER DIVORCE: TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE WHEN A RELATIONSHIP ENDS is for any facing a new life after divorce. It comes from a relationship coach who says divorce's potential for overall change reaches from daily habits into personal identity - and her book offers keys to tapping this energy. Readers are guided through emotional meltdown to stability and positive perspective in this top recommendation for any general lending library.

Remarkable writing!
This is a very powerful book that will shift your thinking.It is not like other Divorce books, which focus on recovery.This is about Thriving.It is to help you catapult to a better place.Tonja Weimer's writing is remarkable.Her approaches work.The read is easy yet the approach is provocative.Enjoy!

I quite like it :)
The book was based more on personal experience rather than scientific findings, but it was simple and added new personal perspectives to things. Insightful and provides a good focus of thoughts on yourself and on improving yourself, rather than on your ex-spouse. I enjoyed reading it. ... Read more

Product Description
A certain degree of stress and frustration is inevitable when divorce looms on the horizon, but the process doesn't have to be a disaster.Couples who end their marriage with dignity reap enormous emotional and financial benefits.Not only will they avoid the bitterness that accompanies an adversarial divorce, but they can also save thousands of dollars in legal fees and maintain a healthy working relationship for years to come (critical for successful co-parenting).

A unique mixture of common-sense advice and easy-to-read explanations of applicable law, Divorce for Grownups is a comprehensive guide to separating with dignity in California.Topics covered include:

•The benefits of mediation, including a guide to surviving a high-conflict divorce

•A step-by-step guide to the legal process of obtaining a divorce in California

•Detailed instructions on how to divide assets and debts, complete with an overview of community property law

•Practical advice regarding spousal support, together with an analysis of relevant law

•A detailed explanation of how child support is calculated in California, as well as exceptions to the state-mandated formula

•Key elements of an effective parenting plan

•An in-depth analysis of various approaches to dividing the family home

•An overview of estate planning essentials ... Read more

Customer Reviews (10)

Informative and Concise
DIVORCE FOR GROWNUPS is an excellent book on family law in California.Without burying the reader in legal-speak, the author also manages to avoid pandering to the masses by oversimplifying a complex area of the law.As the author recommends, I retained a divorce mediator to help my spouse and I through the process.We are still in the midst of negotiating a settlement, but I am optimistic that we will succeed in that task and remain civil.I have frequently consulted DIVORCE FOR GROWNUPS for background information on various issues throughout the mediation process.The knowledge I've absorbed from this book has served me well.

Very Good Divorce Book
This is a very good book on divorce, particularly when it comes to California law.I gave it four stars only because no book on divorce deserves five stars.In my mind, five stars is for a work of literary genius or non-fiction that covers groundbreaking research.With my bias in mind, I have rated this book very highly because it covers just about everything you should know if divorce is in your future.It is full of good examples, is very well-written, and contains plenty of analysis of relevant law in California.I also liked the author's focus on getting through the experience without creating an infernal mess.People who live in CA should take note and pick up a copy before buying a generic divorce book that misses many of the particulars of CA law.

One-stop resource for divorce
As other reviewer's have noted, this book is a great reference for divorcing couples.I suspect couples in other states would find it a useful read, but it's really geared towards Californians.I debated giving the book four stars simply because it's about a distasteful topic, but that wouldn't be fair to the author.He put together a very good book.I don't think this qualifies as a criticism, but I found my mind wandering during the analysis of the child support formula.It's great that he explained the formula in detail, but I imagine most readers will do what I did and skip over the explanation.Give me a number.I don't need to know how the thing works.Other than, I thought the book was an easy, informative read.

Practical, Thorough Outline of Divorce Law and Strategies
I was impressed with this book.It provides both practical advice on interpersonal skills for the issues you will need to deal with in separating with your spouse, and the legal aspects that will affect your separation. It is sensitive to the effects this will have on your family, provides a comprehensive and thorough outline of the law, and includes the formulas so you can inform yourself and your spouse.I think that's one of the most important things that I like about the book-- it gives you the info you need to really think about the costs involved and how you can expect the court to determine the finances.Very important to know before anyone makes a decision you can't take back.

I thought the text was accessible for anyone to read, and the author does a great job making the book both conversational and informative.I was really surprised-- it's an easy read that systematically covers all the different aspects of divorce, and gears a couple toward informing themselves, and handling something so traumatic with integrity.

Fantastic book on divorce
This book is a well written guide to dealing with divorce in California.It really helped me understand my options and provided insight into various concerns that I had.I highly recommend this book. ... Read more

Product Description
The weeks following your separation may prove to be the most difficult weeks of your life. But with a little help and support, you'll find the strength you need to get through the divorce process and move on.

Author Loriann Hoff Oberlin understands the rough road to starting over. A survivor herself, she shares her personal experience as well as her professional expertise as she shows you how to rebuild your life, step by step.

Surviving Separation and Divorce, 2nd Edition provides you with markers for the legally and emotionally taxing journey ahead, including how to:

Product Description
How to deal with your parents’ divorce when you’re not a kid anymore

As the divorce rate soars among the baby-boomer generation, more and more people in their twenties and thirties are being faced with the divorce of their parents, and few resources exist to help them cope with their unique circumstances. Written by an award-winning journalist who has lived through her own parents’ midlife divorce, this practical, comforting guide includes advice on:

• How to help your parents without getting caught in the middle

• How to have tough conversations with your parents about money, property, and inheritance—theirs and yours

• How to understand the complexities of infidelity and stepfamilies

• How to rebuild relationships with each parent after the divorce ... Read more

Customer Reviews (11)

Right on the mark
This is the only book currently in print that actually addresses the feelings, thoughts and worries of adults children of divorce - not adults whose parents divorced when they were children, but adults whose parents divorced when they were adults.It's a completely different issue for those of us with parents who split after we've reached adulthood, and many people don't seem to understand how much we are affected.This is a book I recommend for adult children of divorce, their parents, spouses and significant others, friends, and anybody else who ever told an adult whose parents just split up to "just get over it already, it doesn't affect you."Read this and you will not only understand that it certainly does affect us, but also how and why.

You need this book!
I'm 28 years old. My parents divorced about 16 months ago after 32 years of marriage.I had a really difficult time with it, I felt like my world had been blown apart.This is the only book I could find for adults but it has been a blessing!It has touched on everything I've gone through, and just realizing that I'm not alone in what I feel and how I react has helped me get through when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.I would recommend this book to anyone from young adults to old who are dealing with their parents divorce.

the way they were
the author writes from exactly the perspective that she is...a child. a few years of additional maturity and possibly the added maturing addition of being a mother herself would have improved the value of the advice she doles out. humoursly she consistently labels herself and her audience the adult child. the chapter ending pointers are the only keepers here.

Excellent Book for anyone feeling lost
My parents recently separated & are getting a divorce after 34 years of marriage.My father had an affair with a much younger woman for over a year.I never thought I would have to deal with such a huge change in our family, but I did.And reading this book helped me through it.Honestly, once I was done reading it I saw things differently and it truly helped me get a grip on the way things will NOW be.I highly highly recommend this book to anyone feeling lost and not sure where to turn.I took comfort in knowing this has happened to others and how they chose to deal with it.

A Dad's review of an unwanted divorce 10-years later viewed from his childrens prespective.
10-years ago my wife ended a 32-year marriage.She said she had not loved me for years but would not divorce me until the children were on their own and married.She said that she didn't believe that I would take care of my children financially.Oh how wrong she was.My son has not spoken to me in years.He will not acknowledge telephone calls, letters, gifts, birthdays and holidays.Brooke Leas Foster has written a wonderful book about adult children of divorce.I have always believed that it was harder on ACOD than it was on younger children for all the various reasons cited in Brooke's book.As a result of having read The Way They Were from my children's prespective I have ordered the book for my daughter.I hope that she will also share it with my son.The "guilt" that I felt as a Dad has been lifted as a result of this book.I highly recommend to any parent of adult children contemplating divorce.A must read for all.Thank you Brooke.Well done. ... Read more

Product Description

About half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, and most of these divorces result in unnecessary collateral damage. Now there is a better way.

Customer Reviews (10)

This book will help a couple exit a marriage with dignity and grace while addressing their most intimate concerns ...
Divorce is a melancholy song of life.For some it sings a song of hope, but for most it is a dirge of fear, guilt, anger, depression and negative feelings.Wading through the emotional aspects of a divorce has been said to be even more overwhelming than those of the legal.Pauline H. Tesler, M.A, J.D. andPeggy Thompson, Ph.D.cannot bring back those magical feelings you once felt upon initially entering your marriage, but can and do help ease the pain and bring order into your life with hopes for a new beginning in their new book,collaborative divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life.

More than a few of us remember the old televised series entitled "Divorce Court" where couples would hammer out their woes in front of Judge Voltaire Perkins.Mental cruelty, desertion, adultery, alcohol abuse and other heinous "crimes" in which people aired their dirty laundry were amusing to the audience, but in the real world were painful facts of life.Inevitably the Judge would announce the loser and smiles would go out to the winner.For many years it was a winner takes all situation, but in today's world, a world in which we find collaborative divorce, it is a win-win situation all around.

The collaborative divorce, while not meant to revitalize a weary or downright deadmarriage, sets the scene in which a couple can exit a marriage with dignity and grace while addressing the most intimate concerns of the union.In a nut shell collaborative divorce uses a non-adversarial approach to sorting out the emotional, financial and legal issues encountered by a couple during the separation and divorce process, a process in which the couple works together with others to direct and redirect their own lives.An interdisciplinary team utilizes "coaches" for each individual spouse, a financial analyst and, most important, a child specialist for the children.Collaborative divorce meets the immediate needs of a couple or family while addressing and maintaining future relations long after the legal process has ended.Surprisingly enough, according to the authors the costs "will generally be much lower than if traditional adversarial lawyers had handled the case as a legal battle."

Initially I had many misgivings about the book as I tend to be somewhat leery of the terms "revolutionary" and "new" in the title of any newly issued book as it usually signifies "fad," but once I started to read the book I quickly "discovered" the extreme importance of the "revolutionary new" concept of collaborative divorce.Excellent, excellent ... I can't say enough about the importance of this extremely well written book.It should be of especial interest to those in long term marriages, those with entangled financial assets and most importantly for couples with children.I'd recommend purchasing not one, but two of these books, one for you, one for your spouse.Maintaining dignity and grace are priceless.

Outstanding Introduction to Collaborative Divorce
This is a wonderfully easy to read introduction to collaborative law, particularly for non-lawyers who are investigating an alternative to the insanity of divorce litigation; lawyers will find it extremely useful as well.Please, please buy this book for yourselves, for your sake and the sake of your family and friends.Even if you don't become involved in a collaborative divorce, you will gain insights about mindfully shaping the family law experience that will serve you well!

Thurman W. Arnold III

[...].

Important info for families reforming through divorce
As a long-time family law practitioner, I believe that the Collaborative approach to divorce and separation offers the best chance for couples to divorce each other without destroying the complex network of family and friends that is a part of every marriage.Pauline Tesler's highly readable book clearly explains Collaborative practice and how it can accomplish the preservation of a peaceful reformation of a family contemplating divorce. This is a must read for anyone, attorney or private party, who has anything to do with divorcePlease read it--if not for yourself, for a friend, a neighbor, a family member.

Divorce Lawyers recomend this book
Many divorce lawyers (including me) are jumping on the band wagon for this much more respectful way to divorce.Pauline Tesler is one of the top trainers in the industry and has a huge following among divorce professionals.This is not a how-to-do-it-yourself book but helps you make more intelligent decisions about how to handle your divorce.

Buy one for yourself and one for your to-be ex spouse.

Excellent Resource
This book was very informative and is an excellent resource for anyone who is interested in the collaborative process.I highly recommend it! ... Read more

Product Description

Customer Reviews (16)

Helpful
I found Ask Me About My Divorce to be helpful and enlightening.Divorce affects everyone differently and that is something everyone needs to know and understand.Those of us affected by divorce can learn and grow, not only from our divorce, but from others as well.

Courageous women who reinvented themselves after divorce
The women in these 29 moving essays went through divorces that were sometimes devastating or brutal, but in hindsight, usually inevitable. In some, the women initiated the divorce; in others, they were blindsided by it. Yet all the writers found themselves on a path to self-discovery that was far more enriching and joyful than their marriages had been.

As I read, I was swept away into the worlds of these courageous women who reinvented themselves after their divorces. Many of us remember our own divorces with the revelation that we would not have become the people we are if we had not followed that path, willingly or not.

Joan Price, author Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty

Rebirth - With the Help of This Book
When I first leafed through this book in our local independent bookstore, I loved the excerpts I skimmed.My eyes lingered on the story "Birth," which I read more closely.Learning and teaching through analogy so solidifies a lesson.This excerpt shows the author's profound ability to convey her own lessons, through which she has lived and discovered meaning, to encourage others.Based on this excerpt, just yesterday I sent this book to a friend who is going through a divorce, but I can't wait to read the entire book myself!

it's not contagious
Being in the throes of divorce, I found this book at the perfect time and stayed up until 2 a.m. reading it last night. It was such a relief to read the words I've felt. Not a single essay describes divorce in a self-pitying, insurmountable way and for that, I am grateful. Many people look at me as if I have cancer when I say I'm getting divorced, and then they take a step backwards, for fear of catching it. They assume I'm distraught or extremely angry, where in actuality, as so many of the essays in Ask Me About My Divorce describe, there are a wide range of other emotions divorced women can feel. And some of them even include joy, relief, and the thrill of dating again and having hot sex. Walsh's essay and many more make me excited, not afraid, for what's to come on my journey through divorce.

be careful!
This book is full of compelling and hopeful stories - but they are almost all stories from the perspective of being in marriages that were deadening and where the woman feels a sense of freedom, whether the one left or the one leaving. These are NOT good stories for someone who has NOT wanted the divorce, who has been betrayed and shocked in the betrayal (with the exception of R M Hora's Sita's eyes.) None of these stories involve women who spend a year crying for what is lost, for the actual beloved husband, for the injury of lies, or betrayals. Yes there are lies and betrayals, and courageous handling of them in good stories, but not the betrayal of soul and heart. Each woman tells the story of a divorce that seems 'for the best' very quickly. Those women don't know what to say to the 'how tragic' or 'I'm sorry' of people, when that doesn't match the experience.But they are not such good stories for those who are caught in grief. When you are in that place, this book triggers lots of anger and sadness at the other side of comments, the ones that tell you to 'enjoy your freedom' 'you'll find someone else' 'it's time to stop crying' 'it's time to start dating' when you are still in shock and grieving. Those women will find themselves feeling once more berated for not being happy, for not moving on, for not getting over it fast enough.If you've really been dumped and betrayed, then this book will make you cry. A better book about the slow process of coming back to life after betrayal is Dominique Browning Around the House and In the Garden. ... Read more

Product Description
Divorce: It's All About Control - How To Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars is a book that helps anyone contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or who has been through a divorce or relationship breakup, understand what lies at the heart of the contention that often accompanies the breakup.The book offers ways to constructively handle the three typical wars that control issues usually create and perpetuate.Colorful scenarios of "war situations" kick off each of the 11 chapters and through personalized worksheets, the reader is able to assess his or her status on the divorce wars' front.The reader is then offered numerous tips and strategies for handling the wars with one goal in mind: To win!In addition to useful and practical tips on how to do that, author Phillips throws in a dash of humor both in text and illustrations to keep some levity in what is an otherwise dire subject. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (17)

Worth every penny . . . practical and usable
I read and used this book when I went through my divorce in 2009 and found it to be a useful and practical tool to get through the emotional hardship that is divorce.I have a master's degree in Social work and still used the guidance in the book to help me through that extremely difficult time.We all need some help and this book really helped me stay in control in an immensely stressful situation.

When I found out one of my friends was going through a divorce with kids I bought him a copy and had it sent to his home.He used it and felt it to be a valuable tool as well.

If you are getting ready to go through a divorce, or are in the middle of it this book will help you find insight into yourself and guide you!!

Divorce: Its All About Control... by Stacy D. Phillips
This is a good book for those who have not already been made aware that the battles causing divorce are all about control issues.

Divorce Its All About Control
Great, great book! Very real and I love her true stories from other couples going through the same thing.

Helped Me Very Much
I am going through a painful divorce.This book has lots of good information regarding how each side tries to control the outcome of the divorce and how you can proceed to come to a more managed conclusion.
Thnaks, TJ

Divorce:it's all about Control
Every one getting married,should read this book,anyone married or going threw a divorce should to. This book changed my whole thought on everything and has changed me into a better person.. Best money i spent going threw my divorce. ... Read more

Product Description
ItÂ’s not just grief that breaks a womanÂ’s heart. After divorce, residual feelings about the man you loved and the life you lost can lurk undetected for years. A WomenÂ’s Guide to Healing the Heartbreak of Divorce can bring real recovery and genuine joy . . . in a heartbeat! ... Read more

Customer Reviews (10)

Inspiring book
I found this book to be very insightful and very helpful.A friend recommended it to me after my recent divorce, and it did give me some methods to overcome some of the pain I have been experiencing.I would highly recommend it to anyone who is struggling with hurt after a divorce.

I Threw This One in the Trash
To be fair, I didn't make it past the first chapter.That was enough for me.I guess if you're extremely religious, this might be an okay book for you.For me, it was only the trash bin was good enough for this book.

Very helpful book
This book has been very helpful in helping me deal with my divorce.The author addresses many of the emotional issues that one deals with in going through a divorce, with suggestions on how to work through these issues in a Christian way.

Great help!
This is a great help for me during this difficult time.Great letters at the beginning of each chapter and it covers so many of the feelings I'm going through.

An encouragement
This was a wonderful book to read in the midst of what I'm going through. I like the prayers that are at the beginning of each chapter that is like God writing to you. Definitely a must read. ... Read more